Believe in the Power of the Universe

In response to ELfang’s post: we’re stuck in nyc

Posted on: April 3, 2009

So one of the Stern alums was kind enough to give me a word of wisdom – move to wherever that’s going to give you the most opportunity and the most cash.  Sure it sounds feasible.  But then a girl asked him, ” so what about your family?”

Guess what? When reality starts hitting you, and by this I mean when you are for reals entering adulthood, you realize how hard it is to keep things in harmony.  We have to sacrifice one thing for another.  Now that I think about it, two years ago I ironically knew how the economy was going to turn out.  Not exactly of course, but it was funny because my plan was to move back to China right away and start my career there when everyone else has to suffer back in the city going through work morning and night.
How sarcastic, that now this is really happening in New York, but I’m NOT going back to China right away.  
ElFang believes there’s an unknowing force that’s keeping her in the city.  Pour moi?  It’s there’s an unknowing force that’s pushing me out of the city yet I’ll always find my way back here.  What has NYU taught me?  That life offers plenty of regrets.  And with my having to change my plans every two weeks due to my flexible nature, that does not help.  I’m all over the place applying for all kinds of jobs.  The only requisite?  New York City.  As long as it’s here, I would do it.  Just any kind of jobs.  
Yet Daddy wants me to go to prestigious grad schools, not including the French ones, which upsets me a little.  His words have such a huge impact on me that I’m left feeling unsupported and have received a lack of understanding from them.  On the other hand, he constantly mentions how lucky I am to have parents like mine.  Who let me float as high as possible yet always find some way to tie me back to the ground.  
It is all these efforts trying to turn unrealistic efforts into realistic choices.  I believe in destiny and even more so in the search of fate.  Now I have two offers for the summer, both unpaid.  And daddy said there’s no point of doing them.  I thought so too.  So keep all that congrats away because the last two interviews really gave me a return of zero or even negative (in such that I can’t help but tearing up on the street sometimes, what’s got into this world? What’s happening to all of us? What can I do?)  
Daddy reminded me of my promises to them that I’ll buy them bigger houses and crazier cars soon after graduation.  These weren’t problems back then.  It’s not like they needed any of these but I’m sure such brought them comfort in knowing that I still try my best no matter how secure my life can be.  It was a proof of their good parenting skills.  But today, when he jokingly said that maybe he’s not going to get that car, that he’s going to have to wait much longer for that, disappoints overflew me.  What has happened in this world?  What have I done to compensate all that tuition I’ve paid.  The only comfort I’ve brought to my parents are none but that I’m not like their other friend’s kids, who are still spending their parents money at the age of 25.  I was supposed to support myself right out of college.  I was supposed to do all these things independently.  And now, how much longer will it take to bring all that back?
New York City, I had to leave ever so often because it made me stop praying to the sky for a good life.  
New York City, I had to come back because this is the place where all my prayers would come true.
Yet now, I need to leave again because the traffic, the people, and the never-shutting neon-lights just make you lose track of where you are.  Lose that positive energy.  Now that I can’t even pray, I can at least leave and take the best of what I have.

1 Response to "In response to ELfang’s post: we’re stuck in nyc"

Have you ever thought of starting up your own business, Helene?

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